I'd Be Packing My Bags

When I first heard this song, I wondered what Toby Mac meant when he sings, "I'd be packing my bags when I need to stay." I wondered if he was talking about a Jonah-type situation when God tells him to go to one city and he runs to another.

But after hearing the song a few times, a personal example came to mind.

A week or so after my husband confessed and the world felt so very dark, the thought of leaving crossed my mind. But the more I thought about it, it didn't make sense to me. At the time, our daughter had just turned one. I didn't want her to experience her parents being separated.

I also played out in my mind what our futures would look if we went our separate ways. I realized that being with a different person in the future would not solve any problems. There's a high probability that I could have ended up with another man addicted to pornography. Or maybe not that problem, but a different problem because we all have some. Then where would I be? In the same situation, with a broken heart, home and family.

With a decision to make, I knew two things: that I still loved my husband and that I knew the temptation to leave was from the devil, and not from God. I knew that it would give Satan glory for my marriage to break up. And that is the last thing I wanted.

When I think back about that time in my life, I am thankful that God allowed the confession to happen when it did. Had it happened a year or more earlier, I don't know where I'd be. I know that His hand is and was upon me. I am so grateful for God's promise in Romans 8:28:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Emphasis mine.)

God has worked good in my life and my marriage through pornography's storm. I will be forever grateful. I don't know where I'd be without Him.

I most likely wouldn't have been jamming out to this song with my husband, daughter (who is about to turn four) and one-year old son over a pizza dinner Sunday night. Thank you, Lord for your healing work in my life!