Do I Walk Alone?

One of the most difficult parts of this storm is feeling isolated and alone. I felt as though I couldn't tell anyone what I was going through because I wanted to protect my husband's reputation. In doing so, I put on an act so that people wouldn't see that anything was wrong. When I did end up telling a few people close to me, they were surprised at how well I had hidden my secret.

The other sad part of feeling isolated and alone is that you really aren't, there are more of us whose marriages fall victim to pornography than we know. Consider these statistics:

• By the end of 2004, there were 420 million pages of pornography. —Jan LaRue “Obscenity and the First Amendment”
• Two in five Internet users visited an adult site in August 2005. —comScore Media Metrix
• There were 71.9 million unique users to adult websites in August 2005, reaching 42.7% of the Internet audience. —comScore Media Matrix
• Nearly 20% of men spend at least one hour a day viewing pornography on the Internet. —Provenmen.org
• 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography. —2006 survey conducted by ChristiaNet Inc.
• In 2002, of 1,351 pastors surveyed, 54% said they had viewed pornography within the last year and 30% of these had visited within the last 30 days. —2002 Pastors.com Survey

These were the statistics I found in research for my book proposal last summer. I'm sure that if I did more research, I'd find more studies that prove the pervasiveness of pornography, in both Christian and secular homes.

The point of all this is to say that you are not alone. 50% of Christian men are addicted to pornography, which generally means that half of the married women in your church are in the same place as you. Many of them may not know of their husband's secret.

But for those of us who do, we sit in silence because sexual sin is harder to discuss with other people. In sharing our grief, we would be sharing the secret sins of our husband. It's a difficult place, that's for sure. It's hard to keep the pain all bottled up inside, it made me feel so isolated.

It's important to remember God's promises to us when we're feeling alone:

"Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

"He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds." - Psalm 147:3 (NLT)

"Be sure of this, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." - Matthew 28:20 (NLT)

"All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us." - 2 Corinthians 1:3 (NLT)

Dear sister, you are not alone, many of us are walking this same path and do not know it.

More importantly, we are never alone because God walks with us, guides us and sustains us. Thank you, Jesus.