One of My Struggles

One of the main goals that I have for this website is to provide you with encouragement and hope. But I also want you to know that I still wrestle with the fact that my husband has had a pornography addiction and that sexual purity is a struggle for him. I'm a woman just like you who has feelings, insecurities and baggage of my own. I've truly forgiven my husband, but it's sometimes hard to forget.

One of the things I sometimes grapple with is how to interact with men. To be very honest, I became very cynical of men in the months that followed my husband's confession. I saw them as weak and cowardly because as I searched for answers, I found that so many men are addicted to pornography. My heart continued to break as I realized so many marriages and families are affected by pornography, and I began to blame the men.

But God openend my eyes! In a counseling session with my husband I had my "Aha!" moment when I realized that his addiction wasn't about me and that it didn't reflect on me as a wife or woman. His addiction had been a coping mechanism for years before we even had met. After this realization, God tenderly showed me how in His eyes, this sin is no different than the sins I commit. He helped me to realize that men deserve my prayers and my encouragement, not my scorn or judgment.

This realization has helped change my heart, but there are still things I have a hard time with. Knowing that so many men struggle with sexual purity makes me feel as though I'm in on their secret. I've felt that I want to place a force field around myself (or maybe a trenchcoat) so that I don't cause anyone to stumble. I hope that doesn't come across as though I think I'm some knockout beauty, I don't! But knowing that my husband struggles with sexual purity makes me want to do whatever I can to help my brothers in Christ (and other men) remain sexually pure.

With that in mind, I sometimes don't know if I should hug men at church or the husbands of my friends. I feel awkward and uncertain when the opportunity arises. If I don't hug them, is that being rude? Is a handshake more appropriate? If I do hug them, does that cause a problem for anyone?

Do you have any advice for me?

I'm also interested in your struggles, I'd love to address some of them here on the blog. You can also leave a comment on the Prayer Wall or send me an e-mail: info@healingforyourheart.com.